Something I can cross off my "Things to do before I die" list:
Urinating "farm-girl" style, in a park. Without pants.
I think I did it wrong. Apparently the true farm-girl style involves having your pants still on. But it is a step in the right direction. Baby steps you might say. Which are all I could take with my pants around my ankles anyway.
I'm told the correct way is to balance while keeping your legs forward and leaning the rest of you back. I, however, have troubles with balance on my most sober of days--this definitely wasn't one of those.
I never would have done it had I not had to pee after a large quantity of alcohol and then wandered off to a park far, far away from any toilet I had access to. There was no other choice because when I gots to go I gots to go. The pros of the public piddling far outweiged the cons.
It's a good thing no one else (that I was aware of) was in the park aside from my friend (who we'll call Ani-Pheobes because she reminds me of a combination of Pheobe from Friends and an anime charcter) or I might actually be somewhat embarassed. (Scratch that. No, I wouldn't.)
Pheobes had to tinkle too so we both took opposite sides of a large pine tree to commence our respective business.
Conversation went something like this (keep in mind, we were quite tanked):
*sounds of tinkling on some very unfortunate grass*
Me: Ha ha! I can heeear you!
Pheobes: Noooo!
Me: Ahaahhahahhaa!
*more tinkling sounds*
Pheobes: HA HA! Now I can hear you!
Me: Ahhh! Stop listening!
Me: *sounds of furious wrestling with pants*
Me: Hey...can you help me tie my shoes?
Pheobes: What?! Why?
Me: Because I took them off.
Pheobes: ...Why?
Me: Well, how else was I supposed to take my pants off?!
Pheobes: Why did you take your pants off?!
Me: So I could take off my underwear.
Pheobes: ...
Pheobes: *insane laughter* You're supposed to keep everything on when you do it!
Me: Shut up. I would have peed on myself.
Pheobes: You're supposed to lean back THEN pee.
Me: I would have fallen!
Pheobes: *more laughter*
Really, there should be a diagram of how to do this "the proper way." It seems impossible to me.
Oh well. I'm just thankful that I was still "with it" enough to realize that my pants needed to come off beforehand. That's all I'm sayin'.
Friday, April 07, 2006
Monday, April 03, 2006
My post not so premier.
Bonjourno,
The school year is almost over and I am so glad.
Not just because I will be done the never ending parade of assignments; it will also be time for new roommates. Hallelujah.
Seriously, the situation is driving me insane. Compared to this, living with my family has its merits (don't quote me on that). At least when me and my parents annoy each other we say something about it. It may not be in the most polite, loving way...loud bouts of yelling and screaming may, and usually do, ensue but at least we get it out there.
It's very different here. No one says anything about what's bothering them. Ever. At least, not to anyone's face.
It is a passive agressive mine field around here, and tension hangs like an icky veil of...ickiness.
If someone has a problem they talk about it with...anyone but the person they have a problem with.
I am not claiming innocece here. I do it too. We are just so far gone in this habit that it's pretty much too late to stop.
Well, Hermit-pants isn't bad for that really. At least, not that I've heard. Because she doesn't talk.
And the girl who lives on the same side of the dorm as HP(Hermit-pants), is actually cool. She's an arty, sceney, punk rock type with a dash of nerd in her. Which is probably why we get along (She loves Harry Potter, how could I not like her?). I like her and we are actual friends.
And though she is definitely not short on opinions, she hates confrontation so that would explain why she doesn't speak up. Which is sort of my reason too, but not.
She comes from a traditional Asian family and is very tidy, so I think my sometimes slobbery bugs her, but she doesn't really say it. It's amusing to hear her talk around that when she is ranting about what a slob our other roommate is.
Now, this girl, the so far unmentioned roommate, lives beside me on my side of the dorm. I've gotta say, the people in charge of finding compatible roommates must have been high. We just don't work together. We are very different. But not in the opposites attract kind of way. If you get my meaning. Which I'm sure you do.
I am against ranty blogs so instead of ranting I shall be as positive as possible.
Like, I loved the times she brought random guys home and had sex with them in the room next to mine. Thin walls are great. (That's ok though. I have a loud vibrator. We're even.)
And I adore the way she reminds me of how I have left my straightner or the stove on in that charming tone that suggests my stupidity is going to set fire to all of residence.
Or that quirky habit she has of not bothering to rinse her dishes before leaving them in the sink to rot for weeks (no joke) and then complains because "this place fuckin' stinks."
I also can't get enough of how judgemental she is about the people I hang out with when I have never said anything about the obnoxious douchebags who have made frequent appearances at our place.
I have to stop here or I may just burst and spew joy everywhere.
The school year is almost over and I am so glad.
Not just because I will be done the never ending parade of assignments; it will also be time for new roommates. Hallelujah.
Seriously, the situation is driving me insane. Compared to this, living with my family has its merits (don't quote me on that). At least when me and my parents annoy each other we say something about it. It may not be in the most polite, loving way...loud bouts of yelling and screaming may, and usually do, ensue but at least we get it out there.
It's very different here. No one says anything about what's bothering them. Ever. At least, not to anyone's face.
It is a passive agressive mine field around here, and tension hangs like an icky veil of...ickiness.
If someone has a problem they talk about it with...anyone but the person they have a problem with.
I am not claiming innocece here. I do it too. We are just so far gone in this habit that it's pretty much too late to stop.
Well, Hermit-pants isn't bad for that really. At least, not that I've heard. Because she doesn't talk.
And the girl who lives on the same side of the dorm as HP(Hermit-pants), is actually cool. She's an arty, sceney, punk rock type with a dash of nerd in her. Which is probably why we get along (She loves Harry Potter, how could I not like her?). I like her and we are actual friends.
And though she is definitely not short on opinions, she hates confrontation so that would explain why she doesn't speak up. Which is sort of my reason too, but not.
She comes from a traditional Asian family and is very tidy, so I think my sometimes slobbery bugs her, but she doesn't really say it. It's amusing to hear her talk around that when she is ranting about what a slob our other roommate is.
Now, this girl, the so far unmentioned roommate, lives beside me on my side of the dorm. I've gotta say, the people in charge of finding compatible roommates must have been high. We just don't work together. We are very different. But not in the opposites attract kind of way. If you get my meaning. Which I'm sure you do.
I am against ranty blogs so instead of ranting I shall be as positive as possible.
Like, I loved the times she brought random guys home and had sex with them in the room next to mine. Thin walls are great. (That's ok though. I have a loud vibrator. We're even.)
And I adore the way she reminds me of how I have left my straightner or the stove on in that charming tone that suggests my stupidity is going to set fire to all of residence.
Or that quirky habit she has of not bothering to rinse her dishes before leaving them in the sink to rot for weeks (no joke) and then complains because "this place fuckin' stinks."
I also can't get enough of how judgemental she is about the people I hang out with when I have never said anything about the obnoxious douchebags who have made frequent appearances at our place.
I have to stop here or I may just burst and spew joy everywhere.
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