Real life or French farce?

Allo mes bebes,

I have a new story for you all.

It's quite a good example of what a day in the life of me is like. And how I unwittingly bring these zany things upon myself. Perhaps my subconscious does it to keep from getting bored. All I know is I often find myself wondering if I have accidentally stepped into some French farcical, Frasier moment.

Let me explain.

There I was, minding my own business in my own room, when it happened.
It was about 5 p.m. and I was happily going about a round of single slap 'n tickle with my battery operated friend (with my music turned up to a higher volume out of courtesy for those around me, of course) when the phone began to ring.
I was, of course, irritated to say the least. Having to get out of the bed to answer the phone is a bother enough as it is. Nevermind when you are naked all but for a sport's bra while hitting your proverbial stride.

I get out of bed (and it was freezing ass cold as my damn window is open...) and forego reaching for a random pair of pants as it's dark and I only have three rings until my phone goes to voicemail (I would have just ignored it, but it had already "killed my buzz" anyhow). So I grapple with the receiver only to be greeted with the voice of a random woman I'm positive I don't know.

"Hello, may I speak to Jennifer please?"

"Oh...hello. *trying to sound as un-naked as possible* This is Jennifer."

I don't know about you guys, but I am never more aware that I am naked as when I am caught naked on the phone with a stranger. Unless, of course, I am caught naked in view of a stranger. But, that doesn't happen quite as often.

It turned out the mysterious stranger was a woman from the art school on the other side of campus I had tried to get in touch with last week about a story for my class paper. I had already written her off as uninterested. I was wrong. And also naked.
It turned out she would love to be my "liason" with the art school. It also appeared she wanted to chat.

As I sat there, naked and cold, realizing that God really does find ways to punish you for masturbation, it occured to me: I should be writing this shit down.

It also occured to me that my music was still on. In my naked (did I mention I was naked?) haste to get to the phone I had knocked my CD player over which had apparently unpaused the very loud, vibrator-concealing music. So, after a very awkward, "Could you hold on a moment?" moment of me scuffling about in my poor, freezing birthday suit (I had to find a new way to say "naked") I managed to turn off my music and grope half-blindly in the semi-dark (I had some light because my blinds were open. I'm on the tenth floor though, so someone would reeeally have to want a peek for it to be a problem) for a pen and pad.

I perch myself on the edge of my bed having finally managed to collect myself and begin recording the down-lo the Liason woman has for me. At this point there has been so much going at once I am barely aware of my nude state anymore.

Now. Earlier, as I was planning my solo endeavour (yes, I do that. I live with three other people. It is always good to take all things into consideration before beginning...but even then...mistakes can be made.) I elected not to lock the door as my roommates (we'll call them Roommate #1 and Old Roommate for obvious reasons) are not generally intrusive and always knock before entering.
This was. Very. Stupid.

As I am mid-chat with Liason Lady my door begins to open as I realize too late that Roommate # 1 is calling for me.

I am suddenly acutely aware that i am naked. On my bed. On the phone. With a pad and paper.

"Don't come in!" I say quite urgently, thinking this will give her the message that I don't want her to come in.
Unfortunately... no.
The door continues, as if in slow motion, to open.
In a panic, i throw part of a blanket over my nether-regions as I yell, "NO! DON'T come IN!"
Finally, Roommate #1 get's the very subtle hint and quickly snaps the door shut as she squeals with amused laughter.

"Are you naked?!" she asks.
"Is she naked?!!" comes the very amused voice of Old Roommate from the kitchen, followed by the two of them cackling in unison.

"Are you ok??"
Oh shit. Liason Lady.
"Oh, I'm sorry! Yes, yes, I'm fine. Totally fine. *nervous laughter* Roomates. *cough*"

*Maliciously evil laughter and voices continue outside*

Amazingly enough I still managed to set up an interview. Whether or not she thinks I am on drugs or in need of serious mental help remains to be seen.
Oh well. She teaches at an art school. I'm sure she's used to that kind of stuff.

As for the facing of my roommates after that...it was akin to walking into jackal territory holding a raw, bloody carcass.
I am forever an endless source of amusement for those two as it is. And believe me, most of the time, they ain't laughin' with me.

Apparently they had decided between themselves that I was on the phone with Graham which was why I was naked.

I corrected them. But, when I think back on it (all 3 hours ago) "Yes. I was having phone sex with my boyfriend," would have sounded much better than, "I was on the phone with a random, middle aged, female art teacher. But, it's not how it looked. I was just trying to get her to give me an interview."

Ah. C'est la vie.

You are a pirate!

Avast my buccaneer muchachos,

I know I promised some people I would post "soon"...and then didn't. So, to make amends I have a lovely little prezzie for you all.
Ok...I'm a liar. I just think it is awesome and I want everyone else to see it too. But that has to count for something. Right?

Whatever the reason, you all must go here: http://gprime.net/flash.php/youareapirate because, frankly, it rocks my business socks.
However, be warned. You may never get it out of your head. Ever. It is contagiously catchy. Like the ibola virus. Or crabs.

Apparently it's from this kid's show called Lazytown. The full KAREOKE (because who doesn't love kareoke?) version of the song is on youtube and it is fantasmic. Full of pirate puppets, a pink haired girl, much dancing and yar har-ing. If you truly love pirates (or me), you must watch it. Now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_sLGU1pGAE

Now that I have shared this bit of deep fried gold I can rest easy knowing that I've done my part to make the world a better place.



P.S. I shall post a story soon...ish.